The Sexual Philosiphy of Ice Cream
by labarynth-mind
Summary: It's a hot day at hogwarts, and Draco overhears and interesting conversation between Ron and Harry. Warning: DMHP! slash! Naughty food talk!


Sara: Hola me amigas!

Jean: mmhmm. What's up?

Sara: This is just a silly fic I felt I had to write after me and my friend got the idea for it.

Jean: yeah.

Sara: hmph. Someone has an attitude… Shoot Jean baby.

Jean: **rolls eyes **Sara does not own Harry Potter, just the twisted ideas and thoughts in this fic.

Sara: oh. And there is slash in this. That means heated boy lovin'! So if you're one of those irritating homophobes then sod off! Now on with the fic!

&/HP

It was a hot day at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. No one knew what brought this sudden and un-welcomed heat wave, but it was certainly no secret that Draco Malfoy was NOT a happy boy. The heat made him sweaty, Draco Malfoy hated being sweaty. He hated the way it made his perfect hair damp, he hated the way it made his designer clothes stick to him.

The humidity also made hid perfect (and now damp) hair all puffy and frizzy. Not to mention that the sun did absolutely nothing for his pale complexion, thank gods for sun-block charms! So, It was these reasons that sent the Slytherin prince trudging sulkily through the cool shade presented to him by the forbidden forest to his spot. His spot was a little area right by the lake that was nearly un-known by the population of Hogwarts. It was just at the edge of the glossy lake right next to a huge rock that not only blocked it from plain view it also provided wonderful and fabulous shade.

Now, I said before that Draco was a very pouty snake today, so you can imagine how pissed he was when he heard voices coming from HIS spot. Two of them. Two people were sitting in HIS spot, using HIS shade, and putting their un-worthy arses on HIS ground! He angrily quickened his pace to see who dared to trespass; as he neared he recognized the two offending voices. They were Ron Weasley and Harry Potter, Draco frowned even more. In his opinion it was a shame that Potter was in the shade, for Draco Malfoy knew just how good Harry Potter looked with his cheeks flushed from the heat. How absolutely edible he looked with his hair messy and sweat sliding over his oh-so-smooth honey tanned skin. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and climbed up onto the rock to sneak a glance at them, but not before checking to make sure no one would see, for Malfoys do NOT climb rocks like some common peasant.

Once the coast was clear he climbed up and peered over the edge down at the two Griffindor. They had ice cream. Weasley had a scoop of strawberry in a cup and was eating with a spoon. Potter on the other hand had vanilla on a cone. Draco watched mesmerized as that smooth pink tongue darted out and lapped at the cool white substance off of his fingers as it slowly dripped down the dark brown cone. He watched as that lithe little tongue pulled back into his mouth, leaving residue of the white sticky liquid on those plump red lips. Shaking his head again he focused on what they were saying.

"Really Ron, I don't know how you can eat your ice cream like that." Harry said nonchalantly to his friend. Said friend rolled his eyes, giving the impression that this wasn't the first time Mr. Potter had said this.

"Like how mate? From a cup? What's wrong with that?" The raven-haired Griffindor shook his head and grinned wickedly.

"Well Ron, you see it's like this… There are many choices when it comes to ice cream. The most crucial choice is not what flavor to choose, oh no. For a person can dabble in all different flavors of… Ice cream…" He gave a little smirk. " The most important choice is weather to eat your ice cream from a cup, or a cone. Now each choice has it's own admirable qualities. A cup for instance is better if you want a lot of toppings, although not ALL cups are good with 'toppings'. Now, with a cone there's so much to admire. A cone is so much easier to get a nice firm grip on, easier to hold and control." Draco quirked an eyebrow, he didn't really think that Potter was talking about ice cream. He leaned forward to hear more.

" With a cone…" Harry continued. "You have so much variety. You can lick it up and down, around the edges, gather up the drippings and suck the ice cream into your mouth. With a cup, all you can really do is stick your spoons in there and… uh, get some. With a cone there's so much more excitement, the melted part dripping to your fingers and you trying not to make a mess and get your hands sticky. With a cup everything just…. Well it's not built in such a way that you can leave it to melt and nothing really happens, it won't have the same feel if you eat it later but still. There are three types of people in the world. There are people who like cones, and people who like cups. Then there are people who tend to switch from cone to cup. I honestly think that this is foolish, if you choose then I think you should stay put. If you try too hard then you end up with so much ice cream and then you just look greedy.

Then, I suppose that there are people who don't eat ice cream. Like… I don't know, nuns… Or thirty-year-old guys who live in their mum's basement…"

"Do they not eat ice cream? I mean I thought that nuns-" Ron interjected, but he was cut off with a wave of the hand.

"Don't interrupt Ron. Ice cream is a serious matter. Now where was I? Ah yes, the cone. Like I've said before I'm a cone man myself. It's so exciting. Gathering the drippings that form the longer you take, trying not to make a mess. Getting lower and lower on the cone. Then finally you have the tip of the cone, all the ice cream is gone and that's when you know you're done." Harry stated proudly, popping the last bit of sugar cone into his mouth and licking off some ice cream from his fingers. Ron merely stared at him.

"Harry mate…. What in Merlin's name are you talking about?" Harry got a coy smile on his face and shook his head.

"Ice cream Ron… Vast amounts of delicious ice cream…" He stated innocently, Ron shook his head and turned back to his strawberry sherbet. Behind the rock Draco Malfoy swallowed the lump in his throat, He knew EXACTLY what Harry Potter was talking about. And he planned on letting the raven haired Griffindor know that later tonight.

&/HP

Later that night…

"Uhn!" Harry Potter let out a soft moan/grunt as Draco Malfoy shoved him forcefully against the broom closet wall, continuing to nibble on his sensitive neck. He leaned his head back and gasped as he felt the Slytherin unbutton his shirt and leave a trail of hot kisses along his exposed torso. He tangled his hands in that soft blond hair as Draco dipped his tongue teasingly into his naval.

Feeling that he had been dominated for long enough he dropped to his knees and pulled Malfoy into a searing passionate kiss. The blonde moaned heartily into the kiss and pulled Harry's lean body stark against his own. Without breaking the kiss, they both succeeded in removing all traces of offending clothes. They both groaned deeply and ground against each other, reveling in the feeling of flesh on flesh. Pushing Harry back against the wall Malfoy ducked down and dragged his tongue along Harry's inner thigh and lapped at him teasingly. The Slytherin sex god took Harry into his mouth and it wasn't long until he had Harry bucking and writhing under his talented tongue. The Griffindor threw back his head and bit his lip to stifle his scream as he came.

After he caught his breath he pushed Draco back to return the favor. He, opposed to Draco, took his time and made sure to get all of the places he knew made the blonde scream. So it was no surprise that it didn't take long till Draco came, moaning his lovers name over and over like a prayer. Still completely out of breath Draco reached down and pulled Harry up into his arms. They lay there a moment, both basking in the aftermath when Draco smirked and chuckled softly.

"Ice cream huh?" He murmured lazily but still with a teasing edge to his voice. He heard Harry laugh softly and snuggle closer.

"I always was a cone man…" He muttered back as he buried his face in Draco's neck. Malfoy smiled and rested his head against the wall, holding Harry tight in his arms.

"Me too Harry…"

&/HP

Sara: welp! There you go! All done! Whatcha think? Just another pointless one shot I know… But those are the funniest!

Jean: Wow. I'll never look at ice cream the same way again. You can find sexual innuendo in anything can't you?

Sara: oh… I have my ways… **suggestive eyebrow wiggle…**

Jean: sigh…. Please review.


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